What is it that determines who we are, the thing we call 'self' and defines our identity?
We say or think things like "I am hungry" and "I am angry", and in a sense, that IS what we are; we are what we feel in that moment. What we are is really only defined by mere perceptions of so-called reality that we have created for our minds to reside in. There is no self in actuality...only a perception of a self. There is nothing having an experience, but in the moment we have an experience, we ARE that experience...and nothing else.
When existence passes through a 'phase' or an instance in which one has been overcome by 'nothingness' and one feels like one is alive but not living, one finds it difficult only because we have nothing in which to relate our 'selves' to; nothing in which to say "Yes I AM that" or "No I am NOT that". We feel our sense of self gradually disintegrating into the nothingness, since we have nothing at either extreme to perceive our 'selves' as. But here (like with most experiences) we are only defining our 'selves' by a very limited sense of reality. Can't the 'self' be something other than this...something beyond and deeper than perception?
In the Buddhist sense, this realization of 'no-self' involves untangling our sense of identity from these shifting and constantly changing moods, feelings, images, etc. and instead, seeing how our true selves exist in that which is empty of apparent permanence. Who and what I am is that which does NOT change in me. (and what is that, by the way? I couldnt think of anything in my self that doesn't change...well, except perhaps one thing, but even that could be subject to debate). In other words, while it is still true that I exist, I must also realize that attempting to define myself is pointless because there is no permanent or fixed 'self'. There is nothing to define, and the act of defining self only limits the self to a set of patterns or 'rules' that are compatible with whatever preconception one holds.
The ultimate realization of "no-self" is thus a breaking down of the structure of patterns that are used to say (either to oneself or others) what one is and isn't. One realizes that not only is one NONE of these things, but at the same time one is also ALL of these things.
"I am a continuous and unbroken thread of awareness connecting experiences and helping me define myself as me."
And that's the best way I can say it. Hope it makes at least a little sense to my readers.
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5 comments:
how is no-self related to past, present and future?
Muhahahaha.
Ahhhh....I sense a debate...NICE!
I shall repeat...
"I am a continous and unbroken thread of awareness connecting experiences and helping me recognize myself as me."
This holds true regardless of which aspect of "time" (which doesn't really exist either...it's another illusion based on our conceptions) we choose to focus on in any given moment. Since there is no 'real' time, there is only NOW. That makes time irrelevant, does it not? At the very least it makes the past and future mere illusions...and thus, still irrelevant. Time is just a way of fitting the flow of experience into a category, which is essentially pointless (when it comes to trying to figure out the CORE or essence of 'what is'), especially since it doesn't "really" exist. Self is self (or if you prefer, no-self is no-self) regardless of which kind of time one decides to squeeze the self or no-self into. It doesnt matter. The self might change, but that is not dependent on the artificial construct of "time". With or without it, like it or not, self (which is inherently and essentially no-self) changes constantly and there isn't a whole lot anyone can do about that. It's just the way it is. Time categories such as past and future are only useful when making sense out of only the physical and material part of reality (which is an illusion.)We do this to live as efficiently as possible in the world as we know it, but beyond that past, present and future aren't really as separate as they appear to be.
Feel free to make the attempt to convince me otherwise...(debating such matters is a win-win situation...even if I'm proven wrong I still learn something). I could very well be wrong...I've had very little sleep and it doesnt quite make sense even to me right now...but then again I'm not sure it all would even when functioning at maximum capacity. (Hmmmm...do I even ever function at full capacity?) LOL
OK my brain is starting to emit smoke now. I should probably stop here...
:)
Tonight this does not make much sense to me at all. Perhaps if I bang my head against the desk a few times...
LOL
I will throw my ideas into the loop...so, basically, reality is illusion, personality is non-existent, time is not time, but simply a way for our non-personalities to orient ourselves on the journey to complete oblivion, which is essentially what merging with the One is all about, right?
I am aware that that synopsis is boiled down too thinly, but I would like to know if that is essentially correct.
Joe,
You are absolutely correct in your interpretations of what I've written, however, I'd like to clarify a few things.
DISCLAIMER:
My response to your comments are merely my opinions. They are my perceptions, which are basically a culmination of all of my experiences, as well as all the choices I've ever made and are based on the way I've perceived those experiences. Sometimes they are consistent with Buddhist teachings, and other times not. They are simply the conclusions that I have come to on my journey towards understanding and are admittedly entirely subjective. And while language enables us to express and communicate, at a certain point it also limits these abilites. I always try to be as clear as I can operating within those constraints.
That said, I shall continue.
I do believe that reality is illusion, but I don't mean that it doesn't exist at all. Reality is a dream and just like dreams, in a certain sense the brain cannot tell the difference between waking life and dream life. Ever notice that sometimes you'll have a dream that's so vivid and realistic that after waking it seems to set the mood for your entire day? Having a dream that your girlfriend cheated on you and then being super pissed at her for the rest of the day, for example. That's kinda what I mean when I say that reality = illusion. I also mean it's an illusion in the sense that reality is shaped by our perceptions and is therefore not something completely static or fixed.
It's not that personality is non-existent, there's just no point in defining it because personality constantly changes. Indeed, there are certain things in our personality that SEEM consistent, but out of convenience, not out of necessity. I don't mean we all have MPD, but in a way it IS kind of like that. I felt one way when I began work this morning, felt another way upon leaving work, and I feel another way now as I type this. Our feelings are conclusions of perceptions (maybe?) and will have a direct effect on our external behaviours towards others, as well as our beliefs about ourselves. Thus, personality is based on what we think of ourselves and then express externally, combined with how we think that others are perceiving us.
Time is not time. Agreed. It is a man-made 'device' that measures the gaps or the difference between the hands of a clock. The measurement of time actually measures the PASSAGE of time. Perception (which I've tried to show is the thing that subjectively shapes reality) of time varies, which is what the sayings "time flies when you're having fun" and "a watched pot never boils" are trying to get at. Time is certainly useful in what you've aptly termed "orienting" ourselves. It IS a guideline that helps us to separate one experience from another as well as giving us a reference point to measure or even just simply 'state' where we are in the physical NOW. It gives us a degree of consistency so that we can exist in a 'collectively agreed upon perception' (for lack of a better phrase). Without it we'd have an even more difficult time living in any kind of collective/society/family etc etc.
The journey is towards oblivion, yes, but only if you mean it relative to what we know right now as a limited human. Complete oblivion of self? I'd agree with that in light of what this post is all about. But I do like to believe that it's not a complete absence of all things, perhaps just an absence of the thing we know as the 'self' that we are right now. In other words, the elimination of the "thing", so to speak, that consciously or subconsciously 'decides' or 'chooses' the nature of our experience.
And now the point of it all being to merge with "the One"....
My belief in regards to oneness is that we are all seperate individuals that have forgotten that we are all essentially a part of this unity. Because it is the most basic level of our true essence, the evidence of this is everywhere, but we have forgotten how to see it. Its kind of like looking at one of those pictures that become 3D when we stare at it long enough. The point of meditation (as I see it)is that when the mind is allowed a break from our normal ways/patterns of thinking, after a while we perceive things differently. Our conceptions of things break down as we realize that things aren't what seem. Instead, we come to see (and perhaps even feel) that we are more connected to the world around us than we originally thought. When we lose our physical bodies in death, we become free from our focus in the physical. The spiritual part of us (and I believe that our spiritual "selves" are the closest we humans get to a "true" or "unchanging self") thus becomes our primary interpreter, or "perceiving mechanism" and we again can clearly see the grand unity of all things without effort. Some people would say that this is what god is. The recognition of our interconnectedness and of our belonging to this "oneness" IS what it's all about according to what I perceive and conclude with my limited human brain.
I don't know exactly how others see things, but so far my existence seems to be about first seeing what I am, then breaking down those conceptions by seeing what I am through what I am NOT, and then including both conclusions in a higher understanding of this thing I call self. I have been able to come to a more thorough (though not complete)understanding of existence from the viewpoint of this individual called SPHINX, or whatever my name is lol. (If you have an interest in what I've said here, read up on Hegel's 'dialectic')
CONCLUSION
Reality is an illusion and yet it isn't. Personality and time don't exist and yet they do. I am everything you could ever think of...and I am nothing at all. Everything is like this. Everything and everybody also belong to that original unity, which I like to think of as the home I will return to in death.
And apparently I started responding to your comment and now can't seem to shut up.(See what happens when I start talking about this stuff???)LOL
I hope I haven't confused things with wording or terminology and that this actually made sense. It's difficult to write about things I don't totally understand myself. As always, feel free to argue any of my points.
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