Another thing off The List!
This past Saturday I met my brother Chris, his girlfriend Robi, and friends Curtis, Paul and Jason "Henry" Enright in Toronto to see Tool in concert. What an awesome experience! Tool sounds amazing live, and it really was a dream come true. My feet were aching from all the walking I had done (which included a nice lengthy stroll through Chinatown) and we got rained on, but none of it mattered. I was seeing Maynard with my own eyes. I made it to see my favourite band play live.
And that's the update.
Showing posts with label The List. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The List. Show all posts
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The Death Throes of Summer
Well, folks, today I write with the vivid awareness that I am witnessing the death throes of the summer of my 30th birthday. I am stricken with a contemplative, yet melancholic perspective as I realize that yet another summer has come and gone (almost), although I feel it just began yesterday. Even when I speak to my son (who is vacationing up north with my parents) on the phone, it is no longer like talking to a young boy...it is almost a man's voice I hear talking back. It's quite surreal. It's only been 2 months, but there are things that feel like they have occurred over the span of years. Yet I am still here with the underlying sensation that I have not moved from this computer chair and that I remain untouched and unchanged. How is it possible that time can speed by so fast while appearing so ultimately frozen and stuck at the same time? French novelist Alphonse Karr, who is responsible for the famous quote "the more things change, the more they remain the same" was obviously quite familiar with this experience.
All in all, it has been a fairly adventurous time, with more of a variety of experiences than most summers. I went to places I've never been before (albeit locally), attended festivals, tried food I'd never eaten, made some new friends while still managing to find time for some valued old friends, tried some new concepts on for size, and of course...partied with a vengeance. I do feel that I've given due respect to the milestone 30th birthday.
Fall is always a time of evaluation and transformation for me, and a time when certain things begin and others come to an end. There is always a certain degree of anxiety present in the birth or death of anything, and the fall epitomizes this, especially in my own head. It is in the fall that I have always instinctively felt the need to begin new things and to finish old projects, to make the preparations for a more introverted phase, and to be reborn after discarding illusions that are not useful or are seemingly meaningless. The approach of fall puts the first chill on the intensity of the summer, and seems to encourage a purge of sorts; one that gives the capacity to gain new strength for the impending harshness of winter. However, as much as I dread the change of seasons, I know that the anticipation is always the worst part, and that once I have settled somewhat comfortably I can really appreciate the beauty in the solitary decadence of the autumn months.
On a brighter note, I do have 2 things coming up to help wind down the summer this year. Firstly, not long after my son gets home, the Western Fair will begin, and Jordan is at the age where he can come with me on any ride (and usually convinces me to go on the ones that leave me shaking for a half hour after I get off). So that should be nicely adrenaline filled, and the Western Fair is always something I look forward to doing with my son.
Secondly, on September 23rd, I will be able to cross another thing off The List....my brother and I managed to get tickets to SEE TOOL IN TORONTO!!!!!!!! Some people are coming down from Ottawa to go as well, so it should be a good time. No matter how it turns out, it will be worth it just to catch a glimpse of the elusive Maynard.
Well, thats all for now, but in parting I shall leave you with a few scenes from this summer:
sunset
wormhole created by a spider
another beautiful skyscape
decadence
the moon and the darkness
All in all, it has been a fairly adventurous time, with more of a variety of experiences than most summers. I went to places I've never been before (albeit locally), attended festivals, tried food I'd never eaten, made some new friends while still managing to find time for some valued old friends, tried some new concepts on for size, and of course...partied with a vengeance. I do feel that I've given due respect to the milestone 30th birthday.
Fall is always a time of evaluation and transformation for me, and a time when certain things begin and others come to an end. There is always a certain degree of anxiety present in the birth or death of anything, and the fall epitomizes this, especially in my own head. It is in the fall that I have always instinctively felt the need to begin new things and to finish old projects, to make the preparations for a more introverted phase, and to be reborn after discarding illusions that are not useful or are seemingly meaningless. The approach of fall puts the first chill on the intensity of the summer, and seems to encourage a purge of sorts; one that gives the capacity to gain new strength for the impending harshness of winter. However, as much as I dread the change of seasons, I know that the anticipation is always the worst part, and that once I have settled somewhat comfortably I can really appreciate the beauty in the solitary decadence of the autumn months.
Secondly, on September 23rd, I will be able to cross another thing off The List....my brother and I managed to get tickets to SEE TOOL IN TORONTO!!!!!!!! Some people are coming down from Ottawa to go as well, so it should be a good time. No matter how it turns out, it will be worth it just to catch a glimpse of the elusive Maynard.
Well, thats all for now, but in parting I shall leave you with a few scenes from this summer:
sunset
wormhole created by a spider
another beautiful skyscape
decadence
the moon and the darknessWednesday, January 25, 2006
Embrace The Demon: List of Things To Do Before I Die
I found I had a renewed interest in this list on the day I realized that so far I have given up every dream I've had, in succession. For example, my dream in elementary school was to become Canada's first female Prime Minister, but when Kim Campbell beat me to it (she wasn't even elected, just assumed the position) I lost interest. Then I dreamed of being a lawyer. After only a year of University, I fell in love with political theory, and thus, Political Science became my major. I realized it would be a difficult thing to live my life and feel good about myself if I was earning a living in a corrupt environment. When I realized it would be exactly the same having a political life, this dream gradually slipped through my fingers as well.
One day, in a combination of feeling the rapid approach of the commencement of my 'thirties and also being inspired to introspect into my dreams and life so far by a friend who apparently knew exactly what they wanted and had the will to pursue it determinedly, I saw my existence in a different light.
I realized that while every dream I've had was lost to the past, they had only appeared to be lost. They only transformed into new dreams, new ideas. Perhaps my melancholy in regards to this is not despair due to failure, rather the mourning of the old...the grief that comes before the peace in letting go. On the other hand, maybe its due to the fact that other than my B.A., what I have accomplished is immaterial...insubstantial. At the end of my life when I ask myself if I am satisfied in what I have done, at this point I would have to say no. I hear Yeshe, my teacher's voice saying 'don't be so hard on yourself', but at least if we are at the 'no' answer, it means we are still facing the beautiful multitude of possibilities. And if I don't drive my own will to power no one else will.
(I guess this poses another question...is there happiness in mere possibility?)
"What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you in your loneliest loneliness and say to you: this life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you." (Nietzsche) Considering that you have no choice, would you embrace the demon or fight against it?
Even with no choice I would still want to live a life that would be tolerable in eternal recurrence. The list is my game plan; my strategy towards being able to answer either question with a smile on my face.
One day, in a combination of feeling the rapid approach of the commencement of my 'thirties and also being inspired to introspect into my dreams and life so far by a friend who apparently knew exactly what they wanted and had the will to pursue it determinedly, I saw my existence in a different light.
I realized that while every dream I've had was lost to the past, they had only appeared to be lost. They only transformed into new dreams, new ideas. Perhaps my melancholy in regards to this is not despair due to failure, rather the mourning of the old...the grief that comes before the peace in letting go. On the other hand, maybe its due to the fact that other than my B.A., what I have accomplished is immaterial...insubstantial. At the end of my life when I ask myself if I am satisfied in what I have done, at this point I would have to say no. I hear Yeshe, my teacher's voice saying 'don't be so hard on yourself', but at least if we are at the 'no' answer, it means we are still facing the beautiful multitude of possibilities. And if I don't drive my own will to power no one else will.
The judgement you face at the end is your own. My purpose in life is saying an emphatic 'yes' as my final answer.
(I guess this poses another question...is there happiness in mere possibility?)
"What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you in your loneliest loneliness and say to you: this life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you." (Nietzsche) Considering that you have no choice, would you embrace the demon or fight against it?
Even with no choice I would still want to live a life that would be tolerable in eternal recurrence. The list is my game plan; my strategy towards being able to answer either question with a smile on my face.
That was a longer blurb than I had intended. I realize there's a very similar list on my website, but now its also here for posterity, consolidated through various sources, including an old journal.
Anyway, here's the list:
Anyway, here's the list:
- Go to Egypt and see the pyramids and The Sphinx
- Go anywhere in India
- Go to the Potala, Tibet
- Go to Angkor Wat, Cambodia
- Go to Machu Pichu, Peru
- Go to Amsterdam, The Netherlands
- Go to New York City
- Set foot in every Canadian province and territory. (I have taken Ontario (1976-present), Manitoba (1990), Saskatchewan (1990), Alberta (1990), British Columbia (1990) and Quebec (2004) off my list, leaving Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut.)
- Live in another country
- Be on a TV gameshow (like The Amazing Race, Survivor or Jeopardy)
- Have a role in a movie (an extra on Star Trek would be nice)
- Live in a monastery
- Get a tattoo DONE (first tattoo July 31st 2005, second August 2005)
- Teach
- Write a book
- Meet the Dalai Lama
- Plant a tree
- Give blood
- Make a will
- Quit smoking
- Go on a hot air balloon ride
- See a band in concert DONE (first concert was DISTURBED with my brother, Chris Sept 6, 2005.)
- See Tool in concert DONE (saw them in Toroonto with Chris, Robi, Curtis, Jason a.k.a. Henry, and Paul on Sept. 23rd, 2006)
- See Korn in concert DONE (saw Korn in Toronto with Mudvayne April 4rth, 2006)
- See Nine Inch Nails in concert DONE (saw NIN with my brother, Chris on his 26th birthday...March 6th 2006)
- Meet one Canadian Prime Minister WHILE he holds the position (came close...met Jean Chretien when he was running for head of the Liberal Party)
- Meet at least one American President (former or current...damn, I missed Clinton when he was here)
- Learn more languages (studied French in school till I was 14, took first year Russian in university)
- Go see a live opera in honour of my Gramma (August 19, 1919-August 17, 2000). Added Feb 1st, 2006
- Write an entire poem in Latin. Added Feb 11th, 2006 DONE??? (Not sure if Magis Profundis? Vel Magis Plumbeus? should be included or not...it's not very grammatical lol )
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