Unpoem

To all unholiness unpurged
In sanctuaries unsafe
And beyond
I pledge this unbelief
To those undead ghosts
Alive and well....

Reflection

Stale are the hallways of obscured lifetimes
Where infinity converges with certain death
Still I inhale the tepid air of time
Have I become resigned?

The smallest of movements are lost in the tedium
My thoughts, fragmented
Dissolving into emptiness
As the extenuating becomes extinct

I can no longer seek the redemption
Which infinitely escaped my lugubrious grasp
The past is impossible to justify
With the evaporation of salvation

My reflection hides behind itself
My viscosity largely evident
But the blinding glare of darkness beckons
Resistance is futile

My Co-Workers Are Bitches

There are visions that haunt me at night while I sleep
Of my co-workers all in a herd just like sheep
All the time kissing and sucking up to the boss
Even the ones so old that they used to use DOS

They're all fucking bitches and I'm sick of them all
I'd like to kick all their asses right down the hall
They all take the stairs acting all smug
While I take the elevator preventing wear on the rug

They think they're better than me? I assure you they're not
Even though they're all here at 9 on the dot
These fuckers they stay here way into the night
They're bitches and bastards who don't have a life

And the ones who think they have the damn right to claim
That their age makes them better than me are just lame
So you know what? FUCK IT! That's it! I quit!
Because I'm not like these fuckers and I won't take their shit.

Give Me My Thermos, Bitches

Give me my thermos, bitches
I'm not here with expectations of riches
So just give me one
Before I get out my gun
Give me my thermos, bitches

Give me my thermos, jerks
I thought this was one of the perks!
You said that you would
So you goddamn well should
Give me my thermos, jerks.

Give me my thermos, fuck face!
It's the only reason I work at this place!
Save your epidermis
And hand over the thermos
Give me my thermos, fuck face!

Give me my thermos, you fucks!
You're about to run out of luck.
I don't mean to harass
But I'll pop a cap in your ass
Unless you give me my thermos, you fucks!

Give me my thermos, goddammit!
YOU SAID I COULD FUCKING HAVE IT
I want it right now
I don't fucking care how
Just give me my thermos, goddammit!

GIVE ME MY THERMOS YOU BITCHES!
YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW MY TRIGGER FINGER ITCHES
IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS
I WANT TO RIP OUT YOUR GUTS
SO JUST GIVE ME MY THERMOS YOU BITCHES!!!

High Tide

the ominous swell of the quiescence of time
is reiterated by infinitely surging whitecaps

(as white as rage)

absurdity has a terrible habit of
ebbing and flowing endlessly

illogical and drifting
i am lost in a wave

The Colour Of The Sky

if i was
an artiste magnifique
i'd paint
a new reality
using a
magical technique
i would paint
the sky how it wouldn't be
and things
exactly where they shouldn't be
my thoughts
would be the colour
'understood'
and i'd visit my gramma

in her old neighbourhood

i would paint myself
quite able to fly
and you
transparent
like the colour of
the sky

Haiku For You

i remember you

from many distant pasts
i memorized your eyes

Tapestry

countless little threads
in every possible colour
twisting
on the loom of the world
majestically intermingled fibers
each individual strand
necessary
to the infinitley coloured whole
perfect in its imperfections
complete in its deficiencies
harmony and chaos
ecstasy and suffering
everything and nothing
all perfectly intertwined and
synchronistically knit together
i am simply
a single
unbroken thread of awareness
in the tapestry of the universe
who has forgotten
that not only am i the weaver.....
but also the tapestry
on which existence is woven

Smaller

Everything seems plastic
As the memories of emotion
Metamorphosize
And begin to appear fraudulent
Imagined
Unreal
The tremors overwhelm me
Distract me
Numb me
From everything that came before
Unsure
Which reality I prefer
Or actually
Which hell is simply
Less unpleasant

Look at me
And what I have become
A Great Pretender
An imposter
My own doppleganger
A mechanized automaton
Of what I used to be
And who I think
I still am

Hah!

My own memory
A profound betrayal
In that I can't even recall
The way out of this labyrinth
Any longer

Too little substance
Too much substance
I exist at both extremes
Simultaneously
But not anywhere
In between...

I'm getting

Smaller

Much smaller

Needs

needs the pills to numb the rage
of a screaming beast trapped in a cage
needs to withstand these sordid times
to repay for mistaken crimes
needs the solitude to enforce
an introverted but enlightened course
needs the tears running down its face
to prove its inclusion in the human race
needs the sutures in its lips
to force a necessary censorship
needs the pain to help it feel
that it has encountered something real

Confusion

Confusion, it pursues me
like those relentless hounds of hell
I can't see and I can't think here.
Is this real? Because I can't tell.
Was I born of this frustration
or did it come from me?
Have I created this illusion
or has the illusion created me?
Is there truth in my perceptions
or is everything unreal?
Is this all a delusion inside my head
or has the deepest truth been revealed?

Pathetic Apathy

a dying ghost in the machine

revelling in the decadence

dancing to the pathetic rhythms

of its own

uninspired

apathy

Untitled (Summer '06)

Distractions in abundance
Mere tools of circumstance
Shifting within this grey existence
In an increasingly meaningless dance
From crawling in the void of nothing
To retracing footsteps in sands of despair
Placebos creating only slight reprieve
And producing delusions of repair
Drowning in a forgery of significance
And a manifest rejection of reality
The pronounced sentence was unclear
But the verdict a dark fatality...

The Awful Truth

there are times when
strange synchronicities
contradictory pleasures
and unintended gifts
(if only you knew)
within the paradox
of vacant wholes
appear briefly
to mean something
before fading into enigmatic obscurity

but now
i am infiltrated
penetrated
disgusted
by the insubstantial
unseeing gaze
of unquestioning entities
and i am slightly numbed from the effects
of too many placebos

this pulsating
organic
monolithic restriction
of my self
imprisons me
deceives me
keeps me alive with tricks
delusions of possible transcendence
and the irrational hope
for an infinitley desired end
to this flatness
and this pointless
involuntary
manic
futile
striving

the pathetic insubstantiality
and the naked emptiness
of this cruel and shallow void
is a sickness perpetuated
and emphasized
by the confused and hopeful masses
with their stagnant
carbon-copy
flat-line existence
built with the protections
of ignorance and denial

i'd rather have
the excruciating
but ecstatic sensation
of my soul being torn apart
and that temporary
comforting
insane feeling
that i could re-integrate
the many things that i am
and the nothing that i am
into something far beyond my self
and perhaps
something even greater

but
all the illusory reasons and purposes
have been shattered
by a caustic reality
annihilating my perceived reflection
(even that was an illusion)

a massive implosion of unacceptable truth
has discredited
those desolate but auspiscious contemplations
that used to provide my sanctuary
and all that remains is
stale obligation
and a naive concept
of possible redemption

my karma is much too heavy
and it suffocates me

for a second
i believed
in transcendence
i thought
i knew something
but it wasn't until now
that the awful truth crystallized
into a most horrible conclusion...

...that it was all a dream
lost beyond the event horizon
i am a fool
for believing
that i could ever escape
and i am stupid
for thinking
that i was anything else
but the crushing singularity
responsible for it all
mea culpa
mea maxima culpa

The Now Of Now

...when everything ceases and the internal fire is extinguished...
...when reality floats in crystalline unknowing...
...when existence becomes a quiet, frozen moment that has shifted outside of time...
...when all that ever had meaning becomes lost to the purpose of non-purpose...

when?
now

1250

namagurudownagainiseeifeelandupnamagurunamabuddhadown
yousmileiseeiknowupibruiseimherealmosttherethetearstheyaremine
foryounamadharmarealizingthisisnotformedontyouseedownupdownlikea
wavecantresistiamshitiamnothingmyheadonthegroundupdownupisitover
ohgodohgodcanistopyoustillsmileareyoulaughingsosoresotireddown
overwhelmingthissadnessovertakingnamasanghaforyouforyouis
thisfeariseeloveoceanofwisdomisthereimherestillgoingupmustkeepon
muscleachelovetostrangersallmeallyoudownconfusedsometimes
cantstopthisbodyhasbecomeamachinekeepgoingupiseethem
infrontofmemoretearswhatamidoingmygodnotgodnogodjustthisjustthis
justthisupdowncryingnowforyouforyouformeilosemyself
iamlosingmyselfdownthismakesyouhappyiknowiknowkeepgoing
mychoicegettingclosergoingdeeperupanddownagainsotiredallofyou
foryouicanicantdothisrunrunawaystopnowyousmile
saynokeepgoingpushpushfurtherupifeelgettingdeepernothingelse
justthisjustnowjustmeandheronmyrightandhimonmyleftwithmenow
downtoomuchrestherenokeepgoingdontstopthisflowdontresist
notoneleftbehindcertainlynotyouwillidothisshouldidothiscanidothis
upthetreethatbeautifultreeyoudidthisnowiamdoingthisthankyou
nothankyouohdammitthankyouithurtskeepgoingiamtired
keeponstillcryingstillfeelingstillknowingdownup
namagurunamabuddhanamadharmanamasanghadown
feelcrazywhyagainthiswasformenowforyouallforyouforall
nothingelsenothingleftiamnothingatallbutallthisforyoupainnow
burningkeepgoingsodrymemoriescomebackallbackirememberallofit
andyouandyounownothingiforgiveyoubutcaniforgivemyself
downupitsgoodthispainiseeyousmileyouknowwhy
karmaiconfessiconfessallofitallofthemyesmethisnothing
methatsrightkeepgoingdontthinkdownmypromisethispromise
toohardgettingclosernotbymuchcantgoongoonmenotmemegoing
whatisthisisthisfearuppointofnoreturnrighttherenonono
yousmilesayyesitsokkeepgoingigoonidontknowwhyyesidoforyou
foryouforyouandyoustilltimenotime
crawlingclosercloseryousmileknowingthereisnothingelseicando
notoneleftbehind

breathenowitsovertilltomorrow

Magis Profundus? Vel Magis Plumbeus?

Ut panton est serenus
quod ut illic est nihilim loquor
...tamen panton loquor...

Ut lingua est lacuna in mihi;
sulum dictus est tantum silentium
quod tantum minimus quid ego vere volo transveho.........

Ut ego animadverto
plurimus meus camena
eram non vere quid ego volo loquor in ullus theca......

...ego narro in latin quoniam panton conferis in latin sanus magis profundus...


(this is probably teeming with grammatical errors but I've always wanted to experiment with Latin...anyone know any? lol maybe I should stick to English)

A rough translation can be found here:
Translation Guide.com

Indoctrination by Sphinx

In the gap that seperates each inhalation
Even silence was quiet in contemplation.
Pain finally surrendered to the sweet revelation
Of the awareness of blindness as false sanitation.

The darkness went deeper...it was my salvation.
Each scar of suffering I now wear in exaltation.
Each wound has bled into one grand culmination
Of a pain that didn't result in the expected damnation.

The smallest shift in the way I saw implication
Didn't bring death, it brought transformation.
Dancing perspectives in communication:
When I'd thought I lost everything it was just graduation.

Nothing has been lost in that profound concatenation
Not me...not my mind... not even the sensation.
Flung back on the path of constatation,
I see and embrace the unknown destination.

I may still question the existential equation
But for now the acceptance has become my elation.
It's beautiful here in this radiant sublimation
Seeing that pain always has been my emancipation.

Fragile Peace

Don't you know it's delicate
This fragile peace I keep?
Embraced by a serenity
Calmer than the deepest sleep

Have you felt the endless afflictions
Of meaninglessness and void?
Or know why I wish to liberate
This defeated humanoid?

It's the decades that have seized me
And made the hours an epic poem
Each emotion, each experience
A lonely chapter in the tome

So jaded by the pointless stories
Of wasted sentiment
Of verses of life's emptiness
And songs of sanity's ferment

In times like these, however
This dark burden melts away
The desolation and futility
Transformed from night to day

But don't you know it's delicate
This fragile peace I keep?
Embraced by a serenity
Calmer than the deepest sleep...

i am

i am...

still....

what I am...

although what i am...

was never...

what i really thought...

i was...

always...

looking...

but didn't SEE...

what i am...

or what i was...

or what i will be...

nor that THIS...

always was...

the answer to the question...

of why...

and what...

and who...

i am...