Words With Meaning

"The Blessed One said: "No, Ananda, there will be no end in that way. We had better remain here and bear the abuse patiently until it ceases, and then we move to another place.
"There are profit and loss, slander and honour, suffering and pleasure in this world; the Enlightened One is not controlled by these external things; they will cease as quickly as they come" ~Buddha

"Each friend represents a world within us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in this meeting that a new world is born." ~Anais Nin

"The thing that makes you exceptional if you are at all, is inevitably that which makes you lonely." ~Lorraine Hansberry

"And in the end, its not the years on your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~Abraham Lincoln

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What? You, too? I thought I was the only one.'" ~C.S. Lewis

Today's Blargity

Today I am filled with apathy and amotivation. I want to get another tattoo. Right now. I won't be able to see Amanda as planned but I will see Polish at 330. I am yet again going in search of a winter coat. Blah blah smeh. I miss my friends. I just cut myself off from all of them pretty much except Jeremy over the past couple months. I miss my teacher. He's still in Nova Scotia. When he comes back I will attend Sangha meetings more regularly. Once a week again at least.

I think I am too honest.

I think I'm too existentially oriented.

I look too much for meaning.

I want a new life. I want to do something else. I want experience and the taste of new things. I want to be useful. I want my life to have meant something...to have served a purpose of my own choosing. I want to experience all of it. I am aging as I type this. I am wasting away as I take each breath. With every exhalation I die and with every inhalation I come to life again. Over and over. Endless. Death is simply no more inhalation. Dying is your last exhalation. Its as simple as that. Think about it for a while.............

And then think about it again.......

I know what I want yet I don't know what I want.

But I am going to make it happen. Somehow. Someway.

I fight this urge to leave it all behind and throw everything away every day. I know I know....meditate more. Ya ya.

Right.

Blarg.

I miss Tania. :-(

I miss my Gramma.

I miss my teacher.

I don't miss being suffocated. I am happy I'm free. Finally. Perhaps I should focus on that.

I have to go.....public transit beckons..........