I have no idea what to write and am not sure what my thoughts are. Damage is incurred and implied. The ghosts in my head haven't moved out. The trees are blowing in the miasma of the passive crap that flew out of my head. I want a drink. The ocean is not fit for mass travel. I don't think this makes any sense, but then again I'm not really sure what ever did. Or if anything but one thing ever will. The deaths of the immortals make sense but only to those who can see it already within themselves. I cant stand on the tv. Well I could but then I'd be pissed at myself. Then I would laugh.
Now begins another paragraph...another part/piece/fragment from the shallows of my grey matter. Things should have more of what they really are. I don't know how to put the parts back to form the original whole which is I. Because it all seems to be. Is this profound? You have no idea. The music is not too loud. The final exit never happened and yet it so did. It so did. And now I am waiting for the final finality that exists within time. The only way to survive death is to exist outside of time, and yet that is how we all REALLY live...even though we surely don't realize it and we continue eternally to inflict the suffering we call LIFE upon ourselves because we believe there is no other choice and because we believe so passionately in the existence of what we each call "I". Me, too.
I live in this dichotomy not because I choose to but because this schism has made me what "I" am and it is not escapable. At least not when I have the perspective of singularity. How can one see oneself as one with the whole when one is so obviously not congruous to that whole? Unless, of course, the whole is just as dissonant as the "I" that is me.
OK so the free association started to have a structure and so I am here now tearing the structure down. I am being the phoenix. I am one with the phoenix. HAH. and I am angry. But the clouds have parted and the sun shines through and the flames of destruction have not yet really touched me. I am invincible. I I I I. i i i i i am what i am and also what i am not. That's the secret. I've always been afraid to speak my mind because when I speak it gives the other the keys and the ways to the deeper recesses to what is REALLY there. And perhaps I am uncomfortable. And now I am bored. So I (i) am done. J'ai finis. I'm hitting publish.
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2 comments:
M,
That was profound, and yet funny.
The shallows of your grey matter aren't so shallow to me.
From what i can percieve, you become more focussed and lucid as you write the post, so are the issues that you talk about.
This just proves to me how effective a tool writing could be to channel your thoughts.
"I live in this dichotomy.. and it is not escapable".. So true, and can't fucking believe that came out of free association.. bravo!
I really wish i could monitor the parts of your brain that were active as your wrote the post. I wish i had a device through which i can start decrypting my own head.
Free association would be my tool to feed input to my cognitive analyzer.
(In free association)
Now, i want a thermos.. a fucking thermos.. on my cube..
P,
Gracias for your comments.
Glad you enjoyed it. It made me realize that some of the things i really want to write about are things i DON'T want to write about...if that makes any sense. Maybe I should just write an anonymous book called "All The Things I Didn't Want To Write About". lol
You DO have a device to decrypt your head, but the problem is that it IS your head. I definitely think you should try writing in free association style. Your cognitive analyzer told me it was hungry lol. Maybe you will have similar realizations to the ones I had.
Arggg...if you don't get that thermos soon I'm gonna dress up like one and stalk your manager. And if you get it and put it ON your cube you have thus begun the first step to playing solo cubicle jenga...loads of fun, I assure you...hehe
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