Contemplations on a Recent Insight

Yesterday when I was commenting on the 9 Satanic Statements I mentioned how it is the spiritual that seems to be what gives life a sense of meaning (for me anyway). In my handwritten journal I wrote the following:

"Perhaps the way to extract more meaning from work is to spiritualize it, like when I was working at *** and could write out mantra all day. "

"The game yet again becomes interesting. If life only contains the meaning that YOU give to it, then it doesn't matter what is 'real' or 'unreal', because it's all real and unreal at the same time. The unreal is simply a shadow of the real and both must be merged in a grand dialectic to form the whole. And no-one knows 100% truth anyway. Like Nietzsche says, "truths are only relative fictions". So I have no reason to let anything make me feel insane. Insanity is everywhere in relative degrees anyway".

I also was thinking how similar romance is to spirituality. Perhaps romance is the spiritualization of a relationship. Maybe that's how some personal relationships come to mean more than others...it is because they have added to them a spiritual dimension...something IN this world but not OF this world. Maybe its humanity's attempt to make those relationships eternal...without end.

I used to think that love was love, no matter how you look at it, but after contemplating this (and a dream I had over the holidays) I came to realize that there are indeed different kinds of love. Perhaps the love is not different at its core, but the vessels that contain it and exchange or transfer it are different making the love itself appear different because it is mixed up in our perceptions/concepts of the vessel. If we could strip away all of our concepts maybe then love would be the same.

So what do I think love is then?

Think of someone you love for a minute. Try to see all the opinions you have about that person, and then try to see that person without those concepts and ideas. See that part of themselves that resonates with you. See what is the same in them that is in you.

Now just be with that for a bit, and see what you feel.

When I do this, I get a warm, all encompassing/greater than myself feeling...a feeling that I have connected with the oneness. It's a free feeling, unclouded by judgements. If you enlarge this feeling and make it grow, it expands into a feeling of a spiritual orgasm of sorts. What I am attempting to describe has nothing at all to do with sexual feelings of any kind, let me make t hat clear. Don't know what I'm talking about?? Keep trying....you'll get it. Only twice in my life before this have I had this feeling that did not seem to originate from my own will. Which was why it was extremely shocking to discover who I found I had recently developed these feelings for. I will not mention it here, as it could only be misunderstood, especially since it's almost sickly ironic. But it sure is a funny funny thing. I would rather not discuss who because to me it a very private matter, and to talk about it right now would take something away from the experiences. Enough said.

And those are my contemplations in this moment.