time. time.......

i am sick. i think i am dying. death is at last gnawing at the heels it has pursued for so long. now i cannot move. my limbs are too weak to raise my body. i lie for what seems like an eternity, my limp form shrugged along the uncaring, wet, metal womb. now i know i shall never escape, never be free again - again? was i ever free? did i taste sunlight and sweet air, or are those fanciful inventions of a mind trapped in a dark enclosure? i lie here and time passes, the buzzing of my brain increasing in volume, the pain in my head intense. time. time......." (Garry Kilworth - "The Songbirds of Pain")

But...amidst the little deaths of everyday, amidst the grand pain, I will cherish my one small secret hope, that I shall keep to myself, for myself. In this life, devoid of meaning but full of exquisite suffering, perhaps I shall embrace the agony, the torments. Maybe I shall dive into the bloody pool of chaos and embrace the ghosts of the future. I'm supposed to BE in the PRESENT...but the truth is I CAN'T STAND THE PRESENT. All my hopes and dreams eternally rest in melting time.

Either way, thank you for today, regardless of whether or not you meant it that way. It was the only crack of light in the cesspool of stink and blackness. See...I must look towards the little things. Guess I am crazy after all. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, then this isnt for you.)

But I am sick. Fever...chills...and a rotten offpring dividing my mind only further into the realm of shit. I am probably slightly delusional right now. Thusly, pay no heed. I do recommend attempting creativity when you are ill though. Different perspectives can be beautiful.