My Plans For "The Big Move" [DONATIONS ACCEPTED]

All I want to do is curl up on my couch with a blanket and my two cats....with some tea and some cigarettes, and candles lit all over the house, with incence burning, wine chilling in the fridge, a few books beside me, and my remote control. If I could bring the computer over there it would almost be perfection....

Life changes consistently. It one of the very few things in life that are guaranteed. (others include death, suffering, and taxes) I thrive on this change now, whereas before I clung to sameness. I remember that day a few years ago where everything was fine, nothing was happening, and every single day was the very same. I remember thinking....what next? How boring.....

Then my world got turned upside down, and it keeps flipping over and over and over and hasn't stopped since that moment. It was like being in the eye of the hurricane. Now the hurricane has carried me so far away from those moments...those dreams and illusions....I can barely remember who i was in those strange days. These days, however, are even more peculiar. Why so many synchronicities? Am I at the edge of something here? Am I on the verge of discovering something important? I feel it...what is it? I feel like I am frozen in an ice cube of time, while witnessing the world age and wither away in front of me...I feel ageless yet mortal...like there is something feel complete urgency to do, but I still don't know quite exactly what it is. This is something that has nothing to do with $%$#@ though. At least I think they are unrelated...but hell...like I've said before...I know nothing.

I crave release from this monotony. I want passion and intensity and all the suffering that goes with it. Because in this screaming silence, yes there is suffering...but it is a STIFLING dead suffering rather than a pure, moving, ALIVE suffering. If I truly choose my Garden of Gethsemane, then I choose the latter. Otherwise there is no point. Not for me.

Belive it or not, at least I do not worry about money anymore, like I used to. Of course now with sean gone, many of my resources have been freed up, and I usually find myself making ends meet well enough. If something happens, I seem to have built up a sufficient enough safety net to fall back on if I need. Life, however, seems to always throw curveballs, and this one will make it a bit harder to put money away for the big move. I should not see this problem as too much of an obstacle though...I just have to find my way over and around it. Have I even mentioned the "Big Move" before? Here's one of the only thoughts keeping me going right now:

MY PLAN FOR THE BIG MOVE:

• Save up enough money to take a certification course in TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language)
• Move the hell to a new country..and if I don't like it there or want to check out a new place, I will just apply for a new job.

How I am Going To Make That Happen:

• First of all, I want to send Jordan to Space Camp next summer. That will cost about $800
• TEFL Certification will cost about $1500 (perhaps overestimating...but who knows)
• I would like to have an additional saved for the following: 1) $1500 for plane tickets there 2)$1500 plane tickets back 3)$500 Miscellaneous arrival and setup expenses 4) $1000 for Backup and Security Fund
• I will need, on top of my TEFL, a passport, a visa??, etc.

I have another option.........Yeshe (my teacher) told me that a monastery of our own lineage (Karma Kagyu) in Nepal is just dying for English teachers. It would simplify things, and I wouldn't make any money, but it's somewhere I can go...and I could still learn and practice dharma.

I could go to Auroville...

I'd even like to go to Mexico or somewhere in South America, or maybe Australia or anywhere in Asia. NOT the States, not even Europe, unless it was to visit maybe Germany or Amsterdam, The Netherlands.